The K5 - elementary education for parents

Rylon,

First, let me reassure you.  Scuffles and disagreements are not uncommon at schools. Here are some ideas if as a parent you feel helpless as to what you can do help your child avoid conflict.

Reassure your child that you will help them to develop the skills necessary to resolve issues at school. Even if they are the cause, your kid needs to know that these are learning situations and that there are ways to avoid conflict.  Then talk to your kid and find out exactly what happened or is happening.   Is it with one kid? Is it during a specific game or activity?  Did they tell an adult when it happened?  And what did they do?

If they haven’t told an adult, that’s their first step.  If they have done this and nothing happened, then you need to speak with your child’s teacher. 

Explain what you heard from your child and is there something that can be done.  Remember, although we all want to believe that each and every child is perfect and tells the whole honest truth, sometimes stories are exaggerated or kids fill in areas that they can’t quite remember (just like adults).  See what the teacher says and listen to what they plan to do.  And let them do it.  Give them some time to figure it out.

If the conflict is happening in class, find out specifically what the teacher is thinking of doing. Some things I do are:

-       Conflict Resolution Conference with the children involved

-       Change children’s seats or work areas so they are far away from each other

-       Set up a play date in class during recess or another quiet time so your child can play quietly with another child to either rebuild a friendship or have some time away from the conflict to regain confidence and feel safe

In my experience, most scuffles happen on the playground at recess.  So here is what can be done in that situation:

Your child needs to tell their teacher.  It’s great when children learn that they can speak up for themselves.  Of course, if your child feels uncomfortable, then you must tell the teacher.  The teacher can then speak with the adults in-charge at recess, the other child involved, and begin to get the bottom of the issue. 

Now here’s your role. See what the teacher can do to change the situation. Many teachers are great at finding out what happened and resolving a conflict quickly.  You need to give them a day or two to figure things out. The classroom teacher is often not on the playground so we get information second hand. And remember that people on yard duty are usually watching over 100 kids.  

If you feel your child’s safety is a concern when they are at recess, then tell the teacher our specific concern and ask that your child not go to recess. They can go to another class, stay in their own class if the teacher is there or spend some time in a guidance counselor’s office or the main office with some drawing stuff, a book, something so they know they are not being punished. But don’t let your kid get hassled every day.

If there is no change or you feel that you are being ignored, then go to the principal. But remember, going above your child’s teacher’s head is only a last resort. It is important to involve the teacher first.  If you feel it is necessary to go to the principal let the teacher know. Here’s an example:

“I see that you are really trying to help the situation out, but it appears that you have your hands full.  I’m going to let the principal know that you are working on it, but that you might need a little extra support.” 

That will help to include the teacher in the process as well as get the bottom of the issue fast.

Hope this helps.