Q: What if my child is the annoying child? She is 7 1/2 and finds obnoxious boys to hang out with. The girls usually grow weary of her aggressive and rough play. She doesn’t respect personal space and often neglects feelings of others. On the other hand, she can be quite sweet when someone is hurting and wants to care for and cater to them. We’re working to teach her more respectful ways of being around others, but not much seems to be getting through. We’re losing sitters and she’s losing girlfriends.
A:The K5’s J. David Carr, School Psychologist, responded to this question:
Its very important to consider that your daughter probably feels sad and confused by the reaction she is eliciting from others. Does she express her feelings to you?
In a sensitive way, help your daughter express her feeling and help her try to understand the feelings of others. Try a few role play activities to help her experience in a safe environment the types of feelings that her peers might be experiencing while interacting. Having an open dialogue about your child’s feeling and the feelings of others will help your daughter.
Often the most effective social skills intervention is given immediately after (and/or during) an awkward or difficult social interaction. Stick around during one or two play dates and intervene when you see something going away. This will provide your her with immediate feedback and help her to become more conscious of her actions. If you wait too long after the incident, your child may forget. Help them to realize what just happened so they can begin to change their own behavior the next time it happens. Don’t fix the problem but guide your daughter to help fix the situation herself. Later when you are alone, you can discuss the incident and help her to understand how the other child was feeling at the time.
Remember…this is a process. Do not expect to see change overnight. Small changes over time will result in large changes.
For more tips from J. David Carr, watch an interview with him about discipline and expectations in the home.
February 28th, 2010
