Q: “How or should I intervene in a situation my daughter is having with her friends? She does not like a particularly “annoying girl” who continues to want to be her friend yet this girl creates animosity amongst other of her friends.”

A:

Great question. This comes up a lot with parents.  Here are some ideas.

There are no perfect solutions to this complex social dynamic, but it does teach a valuable lesson. Your child may choose to tolerate the “annoying girl” to maintain other social relationships.  This tolerance does not have to include playdates or outings but can simply mean being around each other in larger groups. Perhaps your daughter can try to separate herself from this “annoying girl” throughout the school day and only interact when necessary – but always politely. This will allow the “annoying girl” to feel friendly with your daughter. The lesson learned is that it is advantageous and even necessary at times to get along with annoying individuals to keep peace and other important friendships.

Notify your teacher at your child’s school. Tell them of the social situation and the discomfort it is causing your child and you.  See if they can keep them separated during the day – in different work groups, and maybe at different tables or desks so your child can get some breathing room.

Also encourage your daughter to become friends with other kids in a different social group. Your child’s teacher can help facilitate that by setting up a playdate during recess. This can provide them with the opportunity to develop a relationship with other kids, so your child has an “out” from the group in which the “annoying girl” is a part.

It is a tough situation, but try these strategies and let us know how it works out.
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January 7th, 2010

Posted by j.david in Ask the K5 | Permalink | Leave a reply

One Response to ““How or should I intervene in a situation my daughter is having with her friends? She does not like a particularly “annoying girl” who continues to want to be her friend yet this girl creates animosity amongst other of her friends.””

  1. Jasmine Says:

    Thanks for the great advice. Yes, didn’t think about the lesson learned, and it’s a good one. Learning to deal with this now will give her insight into dealing with many people throughout her life that she that should would rather not have to deal with but has to, like perhaps a boss or work colleague.

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