J. David Speaks: “Children Need Discipline!” – Does That Mean Spanking Is Okay?
A parent recently asked me about my thoughts on “spanking”. This parent referred to his own childhood as proof that it is a good way to discipline his own children. He explained his thoughts by saying - “I turned out okay” and “children need discipline”.
I agree that children (and adults) need discipline, but I believe it’s important to note some problems and possibly surprising consequences that come along with spanking. I explained to this father that spanking is a quick fix. It will often momentarily extinguish an unwanted behavior. It does, however, come with some added problems:
- Spanking teaches a child that violence is an acceptable & justified way of addressing frustration and anger.
- Spanking teaches children that it is okay to express oneself with aggression rather than with words.
- Spanking may increase the probability that your child will engage in aggressive behaviors.
- Spanking may increase the probability of depression, withdrawal, sleep disturbances, avoidance of school, learning problems, loss of self-esteem, and delinquency.
Before you choose to spank your child, consider all of the consequences.
Before we ended our conversation I asked him to consider this:
Imagine for a moment that you are at work. You may make a mistake or even knowingly do something that is not permitted – like going on the internet for example.
How would you feel if your boss disciplined you by coming over and slapping you in your face or on your hand?
This would undoubtedly cause you to feel angry, hurt, and resentful. It might also make you want to get back at your boss. As time goes by you might become sneakier in an effort to avoid the punishment. You might also become passive aggressive and do things behind his/ her back to cause them discomfort. You would probably reason that they deserve it for the negative way in which they have been treating you. Finally, you might become fed up wit the hitting and become aggressive yourself and fight back.
Now imagine for a moment how your child feels when this type of “discipline” is used to shape or mold his/her behavior. Do you want your child to feel this way and to possibly engage in these unwanted behaviors?
For more information: http://www.apa.org/releases/spanking.html
January 17th, 2009
